The funny thing is, even though I am now 46 (how did that happen?), I'll still sometimes have to remind myself of this lesson, that chronically shy and awkward teenager 'wants-to-be-a-writer', who struggled to talk to adults is still there, somewhere. Even now, after not even living in an English-speaking country since the evening I turned 40, after going on a date with a French woman in a northern Thai city, moving around the world with her, having a child, and currently living in a beautiful corner of the French Alps, with many other globally feral adventures planned - I STILL have to remind myself I can talk to anyone I please and, maybe, actually, I have good stories to tell, too.
Odd, how our teenage selves can leave such a lasting impact.
Even here, even after talking to all manner of the 'cool kids', it can still be difficult.
We're all human, I suppose. Well, most of us, at least.
And here was I thinking YOU were one of the cool kids! I was here, pointing at my computer, saying look, look, Alex just talked to me. What shall I say, what shall I say?!!🙃
You're right. Most of the time, it's only our own fear of rejection that holds us back. I have a good story to share. For decades now, I have been an avid reader of Pico Iyer, the well-known travel writer. I got his email address through Google, and a few years ago, I wrote him a sincere letter of thanks and appreciation. I felt quite awkward, like some sort of groupie (I am now 72 years old). I did it as part of an exercise that Ryan Holiday gives you. I was confident that the mail would lie dead. Within the hour, Pico Iyer replied with a long, warm letter of thanks. He was on an Antarctic cruise at the time, to boot. Regardless of status, most famous people are nice too.
You really do know how to get to the heart of humanness and how it relates to us all here at Substack. I loved this story. I'm feeling like one of the uncool kids at the moment, wondering how to break into the inner circle. So I guess I just need to go ahead and do it, right? Thanks for the reminder and nudge.
I’m extremely introverted and the pandemic didn’t help, but I have also noted that whenever I make assumptions about people, they usually prove to be wrong once I get to know them. I frequently learn they sometimes make assumptions about me as well, that, hopefully, I disprove as well. 😎🐺
I think you read my mind! How you always seem to second guess the ‘general’ feeling around Notes before anyone else has said anything is incredible!
I was never considered ‘a cool kid’ either, always just hovered on the perimeter... and really it seems to have just arrived on in the same old circle... I didn’t expect more. But here, I really really want to join in and want to be part of the in crowd, the cool crowd but feel so damn shy and timid and well, yes... scared!
So a thousand thanks and more for this and more... 🙏🏽😅
Beautifully said and very true. You brought back stories of my travels at that age. I may write about them! You are right that there are wonderful people here who are unpretentious and who enjoy the writers they’ve come to feel closeness.
Cool people like harmony and aren't exclusive but keep their close circles tight for good reason. Dorks will try fo exclude you in an attempt to seem cool. They are mean and dismissive. I gravitate toward one or two people who have few friends because I've always been an outsider and feel comfortable that way. Being around popular people who are cool is refreshing and upbeat but makes me nervous in an excited way so I still prefer to stay in my slow right lane. However, lots of writers are INFPs like me or at least introverts which makes Substack a different kind of social atmosphere. Sort of like jazz musicians who do their own thing or baseball players who have to focus on their own position mostly and play with others when required or it's their turn.
Thank you for this S.E. Your ability to see the deeper underlying humanity of any situation is a rare gift and we appreciate you shining your light for us.
Better reminders and advice was never given about "coolness", "weirdness", and friendship, tucked inside a beautiful memory, Sally, this is lovely and heartening, thank you. A keeper of a story.
This is a great post, thank you.
The funny thing is, even though I am now 46 (how did that happen?), I'll still sometimes have to remind myself of this lesson, that chronically shy and awkward teenager 'wants-to-be-a-writer', who struggled to talk to adults is still there, somewhere. Even now, after not even living in an English-speaking country since the evening I turned 40, after going on a date with a French woman in a northern Thai city, moving around the world with her, having a child, and currently living in a beautiful corner of the French Alps, with many other globally feral adventures planned - I STILL have to remind myself I can talk to anyone I please and, maybe, actually, I have good stories to tell, too.
Odd, how our teenage selves can leave such a lasting impact.
Even here, even after talking to all manner of the 'cool kids', it can still be difficult.
We're all human, I suppose. Well, most of us, at least.
And here was I thinking YOU were one of the cool kids! I was here, pointing at my computer, saying look, look, Alex just talked to me. What shall I say, what shall I say?!!🙃
I'm 66 and I still have to remind myself of this lesson!
I'm not sure we ever really "grow up", do we?!
72 and yes!
Do you also still look around for an adult in certain situations? Or is that just me?!
You're right. Most of the time, it's only our own fear of rejection that holds us back. I have a good story to share. For decades now, I have been an avid reader of Pico Iyer, the well-known travel writer. I got his email address through Google, and a few years ago, I wrote him a sincere letter of thanks and appreciation. I felt quite awkward, like some sort of groupie (I am now 72 years old). I did it as part of an exercise that Ryan Holiday gives you. I was confident that the mail would lie dead. Within the hour, Pico Iyer replied with a long, warm letter of thanks. He was on an Antarctic cruise at the time, to boot. Regardless of status, most famous people are nice too.
“The truth about the cool kids is that there aren’t any.”
Sure there are. Just look in the mirror, silly! 😉
But you’re right about writers, or creatives of any kind. A bundle of quivering anxieties. Maybe that’s what gets those juices going.
You really do know how to get to the heart of humanness and how it relates to us all here at Substack. I loved this story. I'm feeling like one of the uncool kids at the moment, wondering how to break into the inner circle. So I guess I just need to go ahead and do it, right? Thanks for the reminder and nudge.
Loved this post. Thank you!
Little known fact: First choice name for Substack was "Freaks and Geeks," but Judd Apatow made a fuss.
I’m extremely introverted and the pandemic didn’t help, but I have also noted that whenever I make assumptions about people, they usually prove to be wrong once I get to know them. I frequently learn they sometimes make assumptions about me as well, that, hopefully, I disprove as well. 😎🐺
Ditto to this. Introverted, love alone, and the pandemic turned everything upside down for me. Assumptions don't always prove to be right.
I think you read my mind! How you always seem to second guess the ‘general’ feeling around Notes before anyone else has said anything is incredible!
I was never considered ‘a cool kid’ either, always just hovered on the perimeter... and really it seems to have just arrived on in the same old circle... I didn’t expect more. But here, I really really want to join in and want to be part of the in crowd, the cool crowd but feel so damn shy and timid and well, yes... scared!
So a thousand thanks and more for this and more... 🙏🏽😅
Beautifully said and very true. You brought back stories of my travels at that age. I may write about them! You are right that there are wonderful people here who are unpretentious and who enjoy the writers they’ve come to feel closeness.
I just joined Substack and this is a really nice entry point. Thank you 🤍
Cool people like harmony and aren't exclusive but keep their close circles tight for good reason. Dorks will try fo exclude you in an attempt to seem cool. They are mean and dismissive. I gravitate toward one or two people who have few friends because I've always been an outsider and feel comfortable that way. Being around popular people who are cool is refreshing and upbeat but makes me nervous in an excited way so I still prefer to stay in my slow right lane. However, lots of writers are INFPs like me or at least introverts which makes Substack a different kind of social atmosphere. Sort of like jazz musicians who do their own thing or baseball players who have to focus on their own position mostly and play with others when required or it's their turn.
idk? Most of the cool kids I've known knew they were cool but what made them so cool is they were cool about it and genuinely nice people ; )
Thank you for this S.E. Your ability to see the deeper underlying humanity of any situation is a rare gift and we appreciate you shining your light for us.
I tell people I am cool by association. I know cool people. I’m even related to one. Me? Pretty ordinarily nerdy.
Great post! Gotta bake some cookies!
Such a great reminder, thank you!
Better reminders and advice was never given about "coolness", "weirdness", and friendship, tucked inside a beautiful memory, Sally, this is lovely and heartening, thank you. A keeper of a story.